You are going to be 5 years old in 3 days.
That's how long I have been blessed to be your mommy. 5 years that I have gotten to hear your sweet laughter and see your precious smile. 5 years to watch you grow from a helpless baby to a boy who wants to be able to do everything on his own. When you were a baby I wanted to hold your hand every chance that I got. Now you reach for me and grab my hand. I don't get to cuddle with you at night anymore with your head cradled in my arm while I hold your sweet little fingers. But I do get to see you so big and brave and proud in your own bed with your striped pillow and bright night light - just how you like it.
I don't get to cuddle with you at night, but I do get to spend a few precious minutes of mommy and Luke time while we talk about the day and what's on your mind. I get to read you stories and sing you songs (you prefer Christmas ones all year round) and watch as your face slowly relaxes into sleep knowing that you are loved and cared for so deeply.
5 years that I have been able to see you experience such great joy as you learn a new trick for the first time and such deep sorrow as you want to play the game that the bigger boys are playing but you can't quite figure it out. I am always reminded that no matter what happens, as long as we have faith and each other then nothing can really be so bad.
5 years that I have gotten to learn over and over again that my greatest joy comes when I get to hear you laughing or having you just sit next to me, feeling the touch of your hand or your kiss on my cheek. I will never tire of the words "I love you mommy". Never. To watch you learn and grow and go through hard things and scary things. To succeed and fail. You are perfect to me.
It may seem like I was helping you these past 5 years, but it is really you who has been helping me. I need you. You are teaching me how to become the person that I need to be. You help me grow each day and learn things that I never would have been able to. I have been blessed in so may ways, but you and daddy and Wesley and sweet sister Emily are my greatest joys. Nothing else on this earth can ever bring me more happiness than my family.
These past 5 years I have had the privilege and blessing to be your mommy. I love the struggles and the frustrations that we both feel as we grow because get to figure them out and only understand each other more because of them. We have a relationship that I cherish and I wish that all mommy's could be so close to their sons. What a happy world this would be.
You are such a sweet big brother to your little brother and sister. They look up to you more than you will ever know. There's a lot of responsibility that comes with being the oldest child and you are embracing it. You are learning how to pause your play so that you can let sister play with the toys you were playing with or so you can show Wesley how to properly jump off the couch. While you are learning so quickly all of these new skills in your life, you are also understanding that your siblings want to do everything that you are doing. You are a Superhero and Playmate to Wesley and a Protector and Security Guard for Emily. They both adore you.
Thank you for letting me be your mommy and your assistant dragon hunter and your play buddy and your fellow pirate and your friend.
I love you my sweet boy.